


find peace in the light

by a_grumpy_kitty



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Mentions of Violence, References to Depression, the major character death is ben spoiler alert, tiniest bit of gore nothing graphic though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-26 18:42:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18184334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_grumpy_kitty/pseuds/a_grumpy_kitty
Summary: The Hargreeves house had been silent for 4 days. The 5 remaining children had been holed up in their rooms since Monday, when they buried what was left of their brother.





	find peace in the light

The Hargreeves house had been silent for 4 days. The only sound floated in from the courtyard, construction on placing a statue in Ben’s honor. The 5 remaining children had been holed up in their rooms since Monday, when they buried what was left of their brother. 

1\. Luther hugged his knees, legs pulled up to his chest. His body shook, memories flashing back to the lifeless body of his brother. Piercing screams rang through his head and the metallic smell of blood still burned into his memory. He hadn’t slept since it happened, seeing the tearing of flesh every time he shut his eyes. Vomit rose in his throat when he thought of the sickening sound of bones snapping. He didn’t look up when he heard his door creak open. The rustling of garbage bags let him know it was only Grace once again, come back to clean the puke filled trashcan. He couldn’t help the sick from rising up when his mind supplied the images he wanted desperately to forget. Luther would never forgive himself for not saving Ben.   
2\. Diego stared out of his window, watching the leaves twirl and dance in the cool wind. He couldn’t help but think about how Ben loved the fall. His red rimmed eyes stung from un-spilled tears. Jaw clenched, he refused to let himself cry. He was strong. He should have been stronger. He squeezed his eyes tight, anger bubbling in his chest. He threw the knife he has previously been twirling in his hands. The sound of the blade lodging into the wall across from him. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs. He should have done something. He should have been brave. Diego would never stop blaming himself.   
3\. Allison sat on her floor, her back pressed up against the side of her bed. She hadn’t let a single tear drop since Grace informed the children there was nothing left to be done. She felt a hollow emptiness settle inside her chest that day and she didn’t think it would ever truly go away. She still couldn’t quite convince herself this was real. Ben would come knocking on her door and tell her it was ok, it wasn’t real, he was still alive. But then she remembered the way blood flowed, like an ocean of red. She would remember the way panic struck her in a way it never had before. She could almost feel the paralyzing terror again when she thought of the way her brother was torn apart. Allison would never forget the way she froze, watching her brother die.   
4\. Klaus’ eyes darted around the room, squeezed them shut, then opened them again. Praying that the next time he looked, he would see Ben. He had looked around the house for days, wandering from room to room, looking for any sign of his brother. He had been sleeping in Bens room since the ‘funeral’. Their father, cold and stern as always, spoke few words as the coffin was lowered into the ground. Klaus wasn’t sure what was even in it. There wasn’t much of Ben left to bury, he remembered. Maybe there was. Maybe the sea of blood and trashing of tentacles had made the damage seem worse than it was. He collapsed onto Ben’s bed, the pill he had taken earlier just beginning to hit. Klaus would never forget the horror that overtook his brother.   
5\. Five learned of Ben’s death from Vanya’s book. The question of why he didn’t find Ben in the academy rubble had finally been answered. He had already grieved for his lost family but still he grieved separately for Ben. He couldn’t help but wonder if his family mourned for him in the same way Vanya said they mourned Ben. He wondered if Ben would have lived if Five had stayed. How different things would have turned if he had been able to travel back. Some nights, when the loneliness overwhelmed him, Five would put Dolores’ arms around him and cry. He would ask her if this is how Ben felt in death, alone and afraid. Always a woman of few words, Dolores would just hold him and let the emotions pass by. Five would always wonder if he could have been the one to save Ben.   
6\. “May the darkness within you find peace in the light.”  
7\. Vanya was the only sibling besides Five who didn’t watch Ben die. Panic had flooded Vanya when her brothers and sister had come home, only counting 4 when there should have been 5. No one needed to speak for her to know what had happened. She waited outside the makeshift operating room until Grace emerged from the room to inform the children that Ben couldn’t be saved. Vanya was the only one who cried during his funeral. Her siblings couldn’t show weakness in front of their father, but Vanya heard their sobs drifting through the corridor at night. A packed bag sat hidden underneath her bed. Not able to find the courage to finally walk out, she curled herself into bed and mourned her brother. In her hands she clutched a pebble. She closed her eyes and remembered her brother handing it to her. From Paris, he had said. From when the Academy got to go and save the Eiffel Tower while Vanya stayed home. Vanya would never forget the kindness in her brother heart, even when he had demons in his belly. 

 

  
6 (again). Ben woke up standing over his own body. There was a knife lodged in the side of his neck. The carnage of the robbers was strewn all around the museum like gruesome party streamers. He closed his eyes and tried to remember. The last robber had surprised him, attacking him from behind. He remembered the loss of air and the sharp pain of the knife being jammed into the side of his throat. He remembered Allisons piercing scream and the way the tentacles exploded out of him in a way they never had before. He could almost feel the way his ribs had cracked under the force. More tentacles than he had ever seen burst from his torso, ripping his flesh from his body. Some kind of defense response, he thought as his consciousness faded out. The last thing Ben Hargreeves saw while he was alive was the horror inside of him rip the man who killed him to shreds. He wondered if the horror would live on even if he himself didn’t. Then the world was dark. Until it wasn’t. Ben watched his family grieve over him and bury what was left of his body. The tentacles had disappeared, leaving his body in tatters, his torso completely shredded apart. He didn’t stick around after his funeral. He would let them mourn in peace before trying to reach out to Klaus, who was probably too high to see him anyway. For the next weeks, he wondered the city letting himself have a freedom he hadn’t ever felt. Still, he felt a longing pulling him back towards the Academy. Ben would never stop being there for his family, even if they didn’t know he was.


End file.
